When I began my Centred program of self-development, I spent quite a long time considering what I meant by the word “Centred”. The word came to me in a flash of inspiration whilst I was trying to distil what I wanted out of my journey of improvement, but I wanted to be sure that I knew what it referred to.
The simple answer is: there is no one meaning. “Centred” is what it needs to be for an individual – what they want it to be. For me, it meant drawing back from a life fuelled with caffeine, full of late nights and overspending, of driving too fast and eating as if I didn’t care about my health. Instead, replacing this with self-care, and activities which I found to be edifying. I’ve already described how I developed my program (here), but the philosophy of it was what kept me returning to what was needed time after time. I’d decided I didn’t want my life being aligned to an energy drink slogan – rockstar, relentless – but to a more personal set of values and life goals.
Whenever I feel my life spiralling a little (and it does only need to be a little: maybe just driving too fast, or drinking too much caffeine) I take a deep breath, hold it for a moment, exhale, and repeat the word to myself. It has a wonderfully calming effect, allowing me to take control of myself momentarily, which is usually all I need. I have another trick I learned (from Paul McKenna, I think it was): begin pushing your middle finger to your thumb (on both hands if possible). All the while, planting your feet firmly on the floor, holding yourself upright, taking a deep breath, and thinking the most positive, life-affirming thoughts you can muster. Practise this often. After a while, the very feeling of your fingers being pushed together will be associated in your brain with the feelings of positivity and strength that you’ve been pushing on yourself. This simple action can then be used as an instant pick-me-up for a low mood, following a poor decision, or just to give yourself a few feel-good vibes.
To develop your own “Centred” mindset, begin by looking at your personal values. Write a list of (probably mainly) adjectives to describe the perfect version of yourself: adventurous, healthy, creative, kind, humorous, hard-working, thoughtful, tidy, loving… you get the idea. Get down as many as you can – even things which are only tangentially related to yourself should be included at this stage. If you need to, get an AI-engine to build you a list of 100 common values that people hold for themselves. You want a long list. Next, spend some time going through that list and circling the most important 10-20 to you. You might decide that whilst being creative is something you desire for yourself, it’s not an important value at the moment. Conversely, you might have it that being independent is very important to you, and so that gets circled. This is your shortlist. From this list, you need to narrow your core values down to between 3 and 8 (I would say). This won’t be an easy process, and you’ll find yourself agonising over some values that don’t quite make the cut. The reason you only want a few is that it becomes very difficult, if not impossible, to focus on 20 values simultaneously. The fewer you can trim it down to, the easier you’ll find it to hold them in your head and refer to them often. Remember: the point of these values is that they are the touchstone up against which you hold your actions. If you decide on “healthy” for yourself, there’s no point in never doing any exercise and eating fast-food all the time. Or rather, if you’re doing those things, there’s no point in having “healthy” as a value. These are the things you want to weave into the very fabric of your life – so choose them carefully.
Ultimately, you’re the only person who will be holding you to account over these values (unless you choose an accountability partner, of course – more on that soon), so you might as well choose things which align with your core beliefs, rather than those things which sound good. If you’re not remotely interested in contributing to your community, don’t pick this as a value – it will only detract from your journey, as you spend time on things which you don’t really want for yourself. Not everyone has to change the world, write a symphony, be at the peak of physical fitness, or be a beacon of love to all humankind. Pick what’s important to YOU!
Once you’ve got your values, Centred becomes a whole lot easier. Anything which pushes you towards your values, and ultimately your life goals, is Centred; anything which doesn’t, isn’t. Part of the reason I divided my life up into 200-odd items to work on, was so that I was clear about exactly what I wanted in my life. If I was wondering whether I should do something, it was relatively easy to refer mentally to my list, and think “does this align with my values and goals”? Wherever the answer was “no”, I could walk away without guilt. I’m not quite suggesting that you follow the same pattern of organisation as me, but having some idea as to your goals in different areas will definitely help you make these sorts of decisions.
If you’re feeling a little lost in life, consider setting out your values, at least. You might find something that surprises you. Even better, you might find that knowing what’s important to you galvanises you to action. It did for me; and 2 years on, it still is.
Centred 
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